Blog Number 9

Parenting has been my favorite topic of the semester. I simply cannot wait to be a mom! All  the time when I was little people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up and I always said that I wanted to be a mom!! So. Excited. :)

I think that we should all model our parenting style off of the best parent in the universe - my mom. Haha ok ok, I'm just kidding. While my mom really is super awesome, I was more talking about our Heavenly Father. He is so good to us!!

These are some things that I want to apply to my parenting style that I get from Heavenly Father's example:
       Let my kids know the rules - here are the consequences of that action
       Let my kids make their own decisions
       Let my kids make mistakes
       Make a home for my kids to come back to when they do wander
       Provide opportunities for them
       Let them know I love their dad
       Have high yet attainable expectations for them
       Love the Heck out of them - literally


I'm so glad that when we did the parenting style test I got autocratic style! I know that it will be so so very hard sometimes to see my kids struggle and not just step in and fix it for them. I have a testimony that it will be more meaningful, it will take longer, but it will be more powerful for your kids to learn for themselves and come back on their own. I really don't want to be a nagger, I will try very hard to not nag my children - or my husband. I have seen it work - instead of nagging, I simply let them know that I love them and provide a good example and good friendship and let them know that I am sincere and will love them with or without their faults. When I have done this, the people correct themselves on their own. They just will. God will always provide opportunities for them to come back "home". So you just have to make sure they have a "home" that they want to come back to.

Blog Number 8

Although the topic for this week was "Fatherhood and Finances" I feel like we mostly talked about "Womanhood and the Workforce" haha No, I'm joking... partially.

My mom was a single mother up until I was about six and then she got re-married. I am so proud of her! She worked as a manager and teacher at a day care center in Montana. That place was like my second home. She would get us there early and feed us breakfast and get us ready, and then the other kids all came in and we would play and have a good time, and then the kids would go home and I would continue to play while my mom would clean everything up, and then we would go home to my grandparent's house! She was very fortunate to find a job where she could bring her children - that is usually never the case for most working mothers.

However, with the situation of working mothers, I feel like a large portion of them are not single mothers, forced to have a job. It was interesting to read about the different reasons mothers would work. For some, it is merely a case of self-fulfillment - they feel like they contribute more to the family and it gives them more routine I think. Also, for some families, they really do need that extra income. This extra income could be for a variety of reasons: hospital bills, home remodel, simply because they want more money, the husband's job doesn't pay very much, etc etc. Also, mothers might work because they feel like if they spent all that time and money getting an education, then they better use their degree or else it was a waste of time!

Which reminds me of our latest discussion board - there were many who stated the opinion that women who get an education before becoming mothers just become that much better at mothering! I absolutely agree with them! School is more than just a degree. It teaches social skills, perseverance, how to get things done, how to influence others when you are in a group, knowledge for things such as paying bills, and once you get into college it really teaches you important homemaking skills such as cleaning and cooking. I think that you get out of school what you want, so if you're only in it for the degree, well, congrats, you'll get it. But if you're in it for more than just a degree, then you will learn so much more!

For me personally, I'm going to school because I want options. Life is not what we expect, you can plan and plan all you want, but there's always going to be something that you didn't plan for. I feel more confident about the life I will have now that I'm going to school. Hopefully I can just be a stay at home mom, but I know that there are many other lifestyles that could await me. Maybe I won't get married until I'm 28, maybe my husband will get laid off or even die, maybe he really wants to be a garbage man because that was his dream since he was five and I want to support him in that so he can go be a garbage man and I'll work to help get us a little more money, maybe after all our kids are grown I'll want to be able to do something other than sit at home, maybe I'll get divorced. These things are never planned! It's not like I can go through each year of my life and outline what will happen to me! Going to school and getting a degree for a job will open so many doors for me - and they're doors that I can keep closed until I decide it's time to open them!

Anyways... those are my thoughts. Enjoy!

Blog Number 7

I've loved our discussions these past couple weeks - it's funny how the things we learn in class are really quite obvious. How easy it is to forget about the obvious things when we over analyze.

Ultimately, communication one of the most important things in a relationship. The reason there are problems is very often because of miscommunication. Oddly enough, I had the opportunity to test my new knowledge of communication in my life recently! I have a friend and we've gone a little while without talking. There were just miscommunications about things. I told them about things that had been bugging me for about a year now and they told me things that had been bugging them. It was crazy! And probably the best discussion I've ever had. I felt so free after it - even though we still had some questions and things to work on, just getting all those things off my chest and then seeing how they actually felt without playing games or putting on a mask was really awesome.

People can't read your mind - I know, crazy, right?!

There are all sorts of ways that we communicate - without even knowing it! In the case of my friend, I misinterpreted their meanings so I acted a little weird and defensive, and they noticed that I acted that way, so they then acted accordingly haha it was just not good. We both knew that something was up and that there was a problem, but we didn't know what it was, so we couldn't fix it!

I loved Brother William's story about when his wife thought he wanted to punch her face. Obviously I didn't like that she felt that way, but I think that that shows perfectly the way that humans can misinterpret things. That's why it's so important to let the person you are trying to communicate to know exactly what's going on in your mind.

I'm so grateful that Brother Williams brought up in class the importance of having the Spirit with us when we communicate. With the Spirit, we can more effectively get our ideas across and both us and the person we are trying to communicate to will be less likely to be defensive. Hopefully, with the Spirit's help - the best solution will show up and it will produce itself in such a way that will make the participants gain more knowledge and draw closer together.  

Blog Number 6

Growing up, I never had "the talk" or anything like that with my parents. My parents were divorced so maybe they thought that the other would take care of it? Or maybe they just didn't feel the need because they just never thought that I needed to worry about it until I was engaged? I'm not sure haha There wasn't any education about it at my school either. The way I learned about sex was gradually through innuendos at school, and then when I was 16, one of my friends had sex and told me all about it. Learning this way was fine as far as the world goes. I mean, it really wasn't that hard to figure out physically. Unfortunately, I never really thought about it in a spiritual manner. Ya, I knew it was a sacred thing and that it was a commandment to not do anything sexual outside of marriage, but that was it. I felt kind of like we spent our whole lives away from it, and then  you get married and you can just go to town!

Ya, that's not the case. At all. haha

I'm so grateful that we talked about this so I could gain an even greater understanding of that part of marriage and how important it is. When I learned about sex from my friend, she obviously didn't include the spiritual aspect of it. In her case is was a raunchy, gross, rush of hormones that they couldn't control. I'm not saying that those who have sex outside of marriage are always doing it because of purely physical things, I'm sure that there are some who just long for that bonding and emotional side of it. Anyways. I don't know. haha But for my friend it was - it was all about size and positions and all about the worldly aspect of it.

One thing that was very interesting to me, was that you could commit adultery without doing anything physically sexual to yourself or someone else. Sex is an intimate intimate thing, and even becoming intimate with someone else can be adulterous. I think that that is so important! Ironically, the day that we learned about this, I was assigned for my health class to go to the gym with someone. I got paired up with a guy who graduated a couple years before me at my own high school, so I knew him and his wife. Well, we were exercising together and I was hyperaware of the whole intimacy thing. He tried talking about deep things like my plans and my family and things like that, and I was surprised at how common it is to share personal things with people! Before learning about sex and intimacy, I probably would have opened the flood gate and gotten to know him on a more personal level - but because I was so sensitive to this, I was very careful to not share too much information, and also (kind of silly) but I tried to make his wife in as much of our conversations as possible haha but I feel like we maintained a good level and shallowness throughout the time we were at the gym.

I can't wait to make those covenants with my best friend and to become so close. Like stated earlier, I thought sex was something we avoided until marriage and then on the honeymoon you just all of a sudden did it all the time, whenever you wanted. It was a very black and white way of thinking. But I have come to gain better understanding that there is a lot of gray area. As I date someone, I can become closer to them and share more of myself with them as time goes on. Obviously we won't do anything intimacy wise that is sexual, but I'm understanding that I can get to know how they will act during intercourse while I am dating them. There are guys that I have dated that I know would be very raunchy and rough and I would feel embarrassed to tell them if I felt uncomfortable. I'm understanding the importance of looking for someone who will be so gentle and sweet and patient and someone who I would feel comfortable exposing myself to and to do that for them because I loved them and wanted to, rather than feeling like I better be a "hot wife" and meet their expectations all the time.

Also, one last thing, I am so impressed with the maturity and reverence that was present while we had these discussions. It was wonderful to be able to have that talk without feeling too weird and awkward. Thanks everyone haha

Blog Number 5

Oh goodness... where to start?!

I'm constantly impressed with how amazing and convenient it is that we are learning about relationships as we are trying to find one! This past week we talked about dating and marriage.

I'm actually reading a book right now entitled "How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk" by John Van Epp - it is fascinating! In chapter 2, he introduces RAM, or the Relationship Attachment Model. We talked about it a smidge in class. There are five main elements that contribute to a relationship: Knowledge, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch.
The first step is Knowledge. Obviously if we are going to have a relationship with someone (romantic or otherwise) we are going to have to know them; or at least know their name for goodness' sakes! Trust comes after knowledge. You're not going to trust someone you don't know, are you? For example - if I have been kidnapped and I find access to a phone miraculously and I only have 1 minute to call someone before the kidnapper comes back, I am NOT going to call my sister! I can trust that she will not answer her phone, because I know her! I know that she never ever ever answers her phone until about the 15th time I call! More than likely I would call my mother because - unless it's a good reason - she always answers her phone! After Trust comes Rely. Like with the other example , I can Rely on my mother to answer her phone and to help me out! Then comes the level of commitment. Good grief, you're not going to commit to someone you can't rely on! (Unfortunately, even though I don't rely on my sister, I am pretty committed to her... just kidding!!! I can ALWAYS rely on my sister!! Love her.) Lastly - notice I said LASTLY - comes touch. I know that people don't consider touch to be as big of a deal as it really is.


Is anyone familiar with the term "NCMO"? If not, it's an acronym for Non-Committal Make Out. Gross, right? Usually this is only used in high school (it was a very popular thing at mine), but for some reason, it seeps into college life. You'd think that we'd all be a bit more mature and in control of our hormones than that. If you kiss someone, or get really close physically to them, or even do something like hold their hand, that is you giving that person a hint - a hint that you like them! A hint that you might maybe, possibly love them even! Would you ever want to give that hint to someone who you didn't love or even like? NO!!! The thought is ludicrous!

Let's look at this model backwards - you hold someone's hand. That's physical touch. Why are you holding their hand? Because you like them silly goose! How do you know you like them? Well, you know that you don't like anyone else - you're not very likely to go around and try to hold all sorts of people's hands. That right there is a level of commitment. What makes you like them? Remember that one time when you told him/her about that thing that mattered a lot to you? That's you relying on them. You're giving them a piece of you - you're looking to them for support and advice. How come you're doing that? How did you know that you could rely on them? That's right; you trust them. You can trust them to be there for you. (Trust and reliance are kind of similar) And how did you come to trust this person? Was it perhaps because you know them? You know their values and beliefs and standards? You know where they stand on certain things? You know how they treat those around them? You at least know their name? Ya. Interesting, huh?

Anyways. I just really liked that model. I think that this can give us strength in relationships. So often people go too fast or skip one of the steps. If you skip a step, then you're going to fall and get hurt. Personally, I think that that is the most important thing in a relationship - time. Take the time to get to know someone! You could make your best friend into your spouse, and your spouse into your best friend.

Just my two cents on that.

Blog Number 4

I'm pretty sure I missed a week..... oops. :) 

Over the past little while we've talked about social class/cultures, the roles of men

 and women, and same sex attraction. 

In class I had the amazing privilege of getting to know my neighbor, Monica, better! She is one amazing woman. Her family is from Peurto Rico and she was telling me about her journey with her family going from Peurto Rico, to various small houses, eventually ending up in a nice part of California! She was so optimistic about it all - telling me about how fun it was living in the same house as her aunts, uncles, and cousins, and how much she really loved/loves her family. It was awesome :) She also had a REALLY great thought - that we need to do what makes us happy. For some people, they get along just fine working minimum wage! So true! We need to do what makes us happy, because that's when we have the Spirit with us. God doesn't want us to be unhappy. Have you ever been around a toddler throwing a tantrum?! Ya. God doesn't want that for us. hahaha

I feel like the roles of men and women and then same sex attraction are kind of connected. I'll just say what's on my mind and then see what conclusions we come to. 

In class we had some really good discussions on how men and women are different. We talked about how even from our pre-mortal existence we had our roles as men and as women. Women are more nurturing, we (even at a young age) are more social and try to include people, we talk a lot - as I'm sure everyone knows - and we are very observant. Men are more protective, and can even get aggressive when they feel that someone they love isn't being treated right. Men (from a young age) are more into making sounds and seeing how things work. 

Can't you see how perfect that is?! Can't you see the perfect match-up?! Men fill the spaces that women can't, and women fill the spaces that men can't. Love it. 

On that note. Let's introduce same sex attraction. One thing that I loved learning about was that it's all just a big misunderstanding!! Of course if you experiment with things you're more likely to do them long-term. I feel like that applies to more than just same sex attraction - baseball, new friends, etc. Anyways. 

I think that these two topics are connected because when we are in a vulnerable state, when we're confused about something, when we have a problem, who is it that helps us?

 That's right, our parents. 

Ok, here's where it all ties together!!

As a future parent, here are some things I need to do: 

• love my children

• make sure my husband loves our children

• counsel with God on raising our children

God is so good - He has set up such a wonderful life for us with wonderful programs and wonderful leaders. Super cool. 

So, ya. Those are my thoughts haha :) 

Later!! 

 ~Sarah :)

Blog Number 3

Hey ya'll! 

So, this week we talked about boundaries. It was actually very 

interesting to see the different kinds such as

 rigid ________  diffuse .  .  .  .  .  and then normal _ _ _ _ _

The MOST interesting thing for me though, was on the last day when

 we talked about the boundaries in families. It was really great to hear about what 

is appropriate for boundaries between a mother and her child, a father and his child, or

 parents and their child.

 I LOVED hearing everyone's thoughts on why the boundary between the 

mother and the father is it's own unit and then the child connects to that one

 unit rather than having each individual have a boundary. Very interesting.

 Some of my favorite thoughts, or, the thoughts that stuck out the most for me were: 

a mother and father are a TEAM, the child will trust the parents more, the parents

 need to work on their relationship with each other the most, and the influence

 the parent's relationship has on the child - they will be more likely to have a good 

relationship if their parents have a good relationship, and how the child will 

feel more safe. Isn't that the whole point of being a parent? Don't you want your child to

 feel safe and trusting? Don't you want your child to feel confident and like

 they can just be themselves? I think some parents believe that the way to best 

accomplish their goals is if they each go into their own area of expertise and handle

 it separately - but that's false!! 

It was a very interesting discussion.