Growing up, I never had "the talk" or anything like that with my parents. My parents were divorced so maybe they thought that the other would take care of it? Or maybe they just didn't feel the need because they just never thought that I needed to worry about it until I was engaged? I'm not sure haha There wasn't any education about it at my school either. The way I learned about sex was gradually through innuendos at school, and then when I was 16, one of my friends had sex and told me all about it. Learning this way was fine as far as the world goes. I mean, it really wasn't that hard to figure out physically. Unfortunately, I never really thought about it in a spiritual manner. Ya, I knew it was a sacred thing and that it was a commandment to not do anything sexual outside of marriage, but that was it. I felt kind of like we spent our whole lives away from it, and then you get married and you can just go to town!
Ya, that's not the case. At all. haha
I'm so grateful that we talked about this so I could gain an even greater understanding of that part of marriage and how important it is. When I learned about sex from my friend, she obviously didn't include the spiritual aspect of it. In her case is was a raunchy, gross, rush of hormones that they couldn't control. I'm not saying that those who have sex outside of marriage are always doing it because of purely physical things, I'm sure that there are some who just long for that bonding and emotional side of it. Anyways. I don't know. haha But for my friend it was - it was all about size and positions and all about the worldly aspect of it.
One thing that was very interesting to me, was that you could commit adultery without doing anything physically sexual to yourself or someone else. Sex is an intimate intimate thing, and even becoming intimate with someone else can be adulterous. I think that that is so important! Ironically, the day that we learned about this, I was assigned for my health class to go to the gym with someone. I got paired up with a guy who graduated a couple years before me at my own high school, so I knew him and his wife. Well, we were exercising together and I was hyperaware of the whole intimacy thing. He tried talking about deep things like my plans and my family and things like that, and I was surprised at how common it is to share personal things with people! Before learning about sex and intimacy, I probably would have opened the flood gate and gotten to know him on a more personal level - but because I was so sensitive to this, I was very careful to not share too much information, and also (kind of silly) but I tried to make his wife in as much of our conversations as possible haha but I feel like we maintained a good level and shallowness throughout the time we were at the gym.
I can't wait to make those covenants with my best friend and to become so close. Like stated earlier, I thought sex was something we avoided until marriage and then on the honeymoon you just all of a sudden did it all the time, whenever you wanted. It was a very black and white way of thinking. But I have come to gain better understanding that there is a lot of gray area. As I date someone, I can become closer to them and share more of myself with them as time goes on. Obviously we won't do anything intimacy wise that is sexual, but I'm understanding that I can get to know how they will act during intercourse while I am dating them. There are guys that I have dated that I know would be very raunchy and rough and I would feel embarrassed to tell them if I felt uncomfortable. I'm understanding the importance of looking for someone who will be so gentle and sweet and patient and someone who I would feel comfortable exposing myself to and to do that for them because I loved them and wanted to, rather than feeling like I better be a "hot wife" and meet their expectations all the time.
Also, one last thing, I am so impressed with the maturity and reverence that was present while we had these discussions. It was wonderful to be able to have that talk without feeling too weird and awkward. Thanks everyone haha
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